How to get over a breakup: 10 tips to help you heal

Wondering how to get over a breakup? You’re in good company. 

The reality is that almost everyone experiences a breakup (or several!) in their lifetime. 

And regardless of whether you were the one to end your relationship or be on the receiving end of the breakup, it’s understandable that you’re seeking some guidance. Relationships are hard, and so is breaking up.  

In this article, we share 10 actionable tips on how to get over a breakup. Keep reading for the full scoop on how to cope with the end of your romantic relationship. 

1. Accept that it’s over, and don’t try to drag it out

Now, if you’re trying to figure out how to get over a breakup, this is probably the most important point: you need to accept that the relationship is over. Acceptance is the first step. 

As much as possible, try not to cling to the possibilities and what-ifs that may pop up, and don’t waste your time plotting ways to win your ex back. 

In short, though it can be hard, you need to give up on the idea of getting back together before the healing can really begin. 

The next step is to accept that it takes time to move on. Be gentle with yourself and trust in the process. Over time, the good memories will fade, your feelings will shift, and you will get more involved in other areas of your life. 

2. Distance yourself from your ex

Letting go of a past relationship can be even more difficult when you stay in touch with your former partner. 

To ensure that you have time and space to heal, consider cutting your ex off (for now, at least). This will mean taking a break from contacting your ex and asking them to stop contacting you. 

You may also want to eliminate potential triggers by removing all reminders of your ex from your personal space. Consider returning your ex’s items to them, donating them, or asking a trusted friend or relative to hold onto them until later in your healing journey. 

If you can’t fully distance yourself from your ex – for example, because you are co-parenting or working together – you can still try to limit unnecessary communication, take some distance, and reclaim your personal space through acts such as redecorating. 

Giving yourself this space and distance is an important first step of how to get over a breakup.

3. Feel your feelings and express them

Feeling sad, angry, confused, and hurt? That’s totally normal and okay. 

One of the most important things you can do to help yourself get over a breakup is acknowledge and express your feelings, even if it’s hard. 

However, it’s important to express your feelings in safe, healthy ways that respect the boundaries of those around you, including your ex. 

Here are some tips for how to express your feelings safely: 

• Openly discuss your feelings with people you trust; the people who love and value you will want to support you through this hard time.
• As suggested in this article, try indulging in a cathartic breakup playlist. There are so many good breakup songs out there, and you can try a premade one or make your own!
• For an extra cathartic effect, sing along with songs that allow you to safely express feelings such as anger and sadness. 
• Let yourself cry. Having a good cry doesn’t make you weak or “overly emotional”; it’s a normal part of being human, and something that is often necessary to our psychological well-being. 

As Forbes stresses, one of the most important things about sitting with your post-breakup feelings is to not judge yourself. When we don’t take the time to heal and allow ourselves to grow and move forward, we run the risk of our past relationship and current feelings about it bleeding into our next one. 

In other words, it’s important to just allow your feelings to exist at this stage and work through feeling them. From there, you can find the ways forward. Figuring out how to get over a breakup will probably feel like less of a mystery once you understand your own feelings better.

4. Find closure and peace through writing

One especially healthy way of expressing your emotions and finding closure is writing. Taking time to write about your experiences and feelings can be a big part of how to get over a breakup. 

Here are some tips: 

• Write a letter to your ex describing how you feel, telling them all the things you never got to say to them, and sharing your insights into what wasn’t working about your relationship. But make sure you never send it! 
• Make a list of all the ways in which you were incompatible, but without demonizing yourself or your ex. 
• Make a list of all the great things about being single, such as increased freedom and control, having the bed to yourself, being able to maintain your own schedule, etc.
  Focus on the positives (e.g., what you learned and took away from it).
• Take up journaling, with a focus on all the positive things about your relationship, the breakup, and how you’ve grown and learned from it. As Forbes shared in a recent article, journaling for 15 to 30 minutes a day can help process your relationship when you focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. 

Who knows – your post-breakup writing and journaling efforts may just turn into your new favorite hobby! 

5. Take care of yourself – it’s time to prioritize you

For many people, it can be difficult to prioritize self-care in times of grief, sadness, or drastic change. But it is especially important to tend to your physical and psychological needs during the post-breakup period.

Here are some tips: 

• Nourish your body with healthy, delicious foods that you enjoy eating.
• Exercise regularly by engaging in physical activity that feels good for you. In a recent article, Forbes shared that “engaging in regular physical activity may help ease symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress associated with your breakup,” finding that “any form of physical activity, such as aerobics, resistance training and yoga, may result in mental health benefits.” 
• Get enough sleep. This is especially important, as failing to get adequate sleep is scientifically linked to increased mental distress and can actually impede the healing process. 
• Use this time to look inward and focus on understanding yourself and improving your own self-relationship. 

It might sound cliche, but we need to focus on ourselves before we can give our best to others – you can’t pour from an empty cup! 

So if you’re wondering how to get over a breakup, it’s important to remember that you need to take care of yourself first.

6. Do things that make you happy

Along with taking care of your health, don’t shy away from having fun and treating yourself to nice things. You might find that you spend less time thinking about how to get over a breakup and more time living in the moment when you prioritize things that make you happy.

Here are some tips for things you can do to feel good during the post-breakup period: 

• Pay extra attention to your needs and wants, and pamper yourself. Consider yoga, journaling, mindfulness, singing, redecorating, splurging on a good book, and treating yourself to takeout from your favorite restaurant. 
• Rediscover old interests, like childhood jobbies. 
• Try something entirely new. For example, is there a hobby, sport, or other activity you find especially interesting? 
• Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on making new, happy memories that don’t involve your ex. Go to a concert, indulge in a weekend getaway, or book a spa appointment! 

But be careful not to make drastic changes and huge decisions during this period – big decisions made in times of distress and crisis can be things we regret later on!

7. Be social

While we might need some space to process and feel our emotions, it’s important not to become withdrawn or disconnected. 

As you work through your breakup, be sure to connect with other people and let yourself laugh! Don’t be afraid to reach out to people in your network, say yes to social invitations, and embark on exciting social adventures, such as going to concerts and events or traveling with others. 

Don’t have a big or adventurous social circle? No problem! A 2022 article by Women’s Health also suggests that volunteering can be a great way to meet new people, fulfill social needs, and give back to your community.

As Vox reports, it can also be incredibly worthwhile to reconnect with old friends. 

Engaging in these sorts of social activities can help us regain self-concept after experiencing the end of a romantic relationship, which is associated with a lower likelihood of becoming depressed. 

In other words, being social is a big part of learning how to get over a breakup and will likely benefit your overall well-being and mental health.

8. Find and maintain a healthy perspective

In the emotional turmoil of a breakup, it can be easy to lose perspective on the situation. But maintaining a healthy perspective is one of the key things you can do to move forward.

Here are some things to remember:

• You may feel awful right now, but your feelings won’t last forever.
• It’s better to not be in a relationship than to be trapped in an unhealthy or unhappy one.
• Breaking up is normal and, for most people, inevitable. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
• You had a life before you met your ex, and you will have one again! 
• As McGill University says, don’t personalize the breakup and take it as a sign of personal shortcomings or failure; probably, you and your ex just had conflicting needs and desires.
• Don’t lose faith in relationships or people, and don’t overgeneralize. Maybe your ex wasn’t a great person or seriously wronged you, but that doesn’t mean that every person of that gender sucks or that you’ll never find the right match. 
• It might sound corny, but this relationship was probably preparing you for something better. Learn from it, and flourish into your best self. 

Changing your perspective and maintaining a healthy outlook can be hugely helpful when trying to figure out how to get over a breakup.

9. Avoid unhealthy coping strategies, and stick to a routine instead

When we’re feeling low, rejected, or confused, it can be tempting to turn to unhealthy coping strategies such as drinking or using other substances, overeating, engaging in self-harm, gambling, or working excessively. 

In the long-term however, these things usually cause more harm than good and can interrupt or hinder the healing process. 

Similarly, as a resource from McGill university stresses, it’s important to resist the temptation to get revenge. While we may think it’ll feel good to get back at your ex somehow, this sort of behavior will likely have repercussions that make you feel even worse down the road. 

Instead of turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with your breakup, consider committing yourself to a healthy routine. 

In times of stress, creating and sticking to a routine can keep us grounded. This creates a sense of stability and normalcy that we can count on. For this reason, creating a routine that works for you and sticking to it can be a big part of how to get over a breakup.

10. Enlist the help of a therapist

For many people, breakups aren’t so simple. Various factors can complicate the healing process and make it harder for us to move forward. 

In these cases, working with a therapist can be a critical part of figuring out how to get over a breakup and carry on with our lives in a healthy way. 

Working with a therapist or counselor may be especially helpful for people in the following situations: 

• You are experiencing an especially dramatic, painful breakup
• You are coming out of an abusive or toxic relationship
• The post-breakup grieving process is complicated by depression, anxiety, or other mental health concerns
• You must continue to co-parent, work with, or share assets (such as real estate) with your former partner
• You do not have friends and family to confide in, or you do not trust your friends and family with all the details of your experience
• You are feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with the breakup in healthy ways. 

At Blue Rabbit Therapy, all of our registered psychotherapists (RPs) and registered social workers (RSWs) are experienced in navigating relationships and breakups. To help you find the right fit for your circumstances and needs, we even offer free online consultations with one or more therapists of your choosing. 

Online therapy is just as effective as in-person approaches and, for many clients, is much more convenient. You may be surprised at how much working with a therapist can help you understand how to get over a breakup.

If therapy seems out of reach financially, check out this article on finding free and affordable online therapy in Ontario.

Summary

Dealing with the end of a relationship usually isn’t easy, and it can feel especially hard at the beginning. But by following the 10 actionable tips in this article, your days of wondering how to get over a breakup are likely to be shorter lived!